


Drowning

by sassycatpants



Series: Phoenix Verse [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe, Mentions of Violence, Multi, Multi-verse, mild religious themes sometimes?, multiples of characters all over the place, pocket bacon, selfcest with alternate versions of himself?, tumblr rp drabbles, vanitas as god
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-25
Updated: 2014-03-25
Packaged: 2018-01-16 23:45:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1366144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassycatpants/pseuds/sassycatpants
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>{He thinks there may be others like him, out there somewhere beyond the darkness, but no one ever answers his calls. Eventually, he gives up.}</i>
</p><p>Collection of oneshots from/based on an AU-verse Vanitas RP blog.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just wanna say that everything posted here is lifted off of [Goditas](sleepingfloods.tumblr.com), my AU God!Vanitas RP blog, so everything in this oneshot collection is basically canon to my RP blog (except the AU of my AU ones anyway--) and honestly likely won't make sense here? These are basically headcanons in a oneshot format, more than anything. I've been planning to write things in that universe anyway though, so I figure I might as well put up the stuff I already have while I'm at it.
> 
> They're all really short for the most part though, and don't have a lot of background because of the original purpose they served, and that 99% of the backstory behind all of them is revealed through RP with me on tumblr, aha. Sorry I guess? As a final note, they're not really in chronological order to his timeline, but they are in order of how I wrote them.

_{His first memory is of being alone in the vast nothing that is_ Before _. It is an ancient memory, buried and long forgotten under thousands of newer memories._

_He does not care to remember it anyhow, content to let it be buried further and further down until even he is no longer certain it is the truth of things.}_

He creates stars, for something to look at, but it’s still not enough. So he sculpts planets, because it is something to do with his hands and staves off his boredom  _{loneliness}_  for a few eons of time; most planets are left to drift where they will after they are completed, all but one tiny little mudball of a planet. 

It feels incomplete for some reason, an annoying little nagging that it needs something  _more_  before he can release it into the cosmos to find its place.

_{He thinks there may be others like him, out there somewhere beyond the darkness, but no one ever answers his calls. Eventually, he gives up.}_

_Life_  turns out the be what the little planet is missing; and he sets to work.

When he breathes life into the creatures and they begin to roam the surface, he smiles.

It’s done.

_{He’s still the only one, but at least he’s not alone anymore.}  
_


	2. Chapter 2

They will become known as ‘angels’ in the far future, named by others on far away worlds; for now they are a nameless race roaming a muddy little world. They are the first living beings he has created, designed to love him above all else and Vanitas loves them in his own little way.

_{His love is a painful thing, like sandpaper scraping against skin, in some ways. In others, it is the feeling of clouds floating across your vision—soft and fluffy and never ending for that fleeting moment. They learn to fear his love as much as they crave it.}_

Eventually, he leaves; he’s restless and feels the need to create more worlds, populate them with more living things. Even with his current creations the great cosmos is too quiet—he wants  _voices_ , sounds that will fill the air and drive away the  _{loneliness}_  silence of the void he lives in.

The being continue on without him, living their own little lives. More of them are born, some are lost to age and time. The youngest are taught of their father, the great creator who made them from nothing and though they never meet him, they still love him.

_{Eventually, as all things do, memories fade and Vanitas ceases to be their loving father and creator and becomes just the beloved name of a man they barely remember but love all the same.}_


	3. Chapter 3

It shines brightly, pulsing to a silent song that even Vanitas is unable to hear though he knows it exists.

Sometimes, he wants to hear it—wants to know that the universe is still aware of the keeper it created so long ago, that it still cares that he exists for it, that he loves it. Instead, there’s only silence and the sound of voices he’s created to fill it. He  _hates_  it, hates that he craves the song of the  _Heart;_ he isn't worthy enough to hear it, and that it makes him ache inside when he remembers that the very thing he was created to protect and love doesn't find him worthy to hear its voice.

Sometimes he wants to destroy  _Kingdom Hearts_  with his own hands. _  
_

He doesn't, of course. It _is_ , and it’s the source of his own life and power, the only thing that makes him immortal and all powerful—without it he would be just as mortal as any other man. Vanitas’ entire being hinges on the  _Heart_  and his unthinking protection of it. He isn't even powerful enough to hurt it, anyway.

He makes more worlds and more lives, fills the always cold silence with more voices and more warmth.

He tries to pretend he doesn't hatehate _hate_  the _H_ _eart_ that birthed him with an all consuming fire, even as he drowns in his love for it.


	4. Chapter 4

His intentions had been to go in for the kill, make it quick and painless. And then he'd fought his other, his alternate self with the  _stupid_  overconfidence. And something inside of him ignited.

He'd  _forgotten_ —what it had felt like to be truly powerful, to not hold himself back. While he had not gone all out in the fight, he had let himself loose and allowed power to flow in ways it hadn’t flowed in  _centuries_. Why had he allowed himself to become a forgotten relic of the past?

People didn't even know his name now, never mind what he was. Who he was. They treated him as if he were their friend, a frisky puppy snapping at their heels, to be scolded for being naughty but otherwise cuddled.

Once he’d been  _feared_ , worshiped as he was meant to be. His name had been sacred and spoken with  _awe_ ; once he’d been both protector and worst nightmare, someone to never cross.

Vanitas  _remembered_  now, and the smile that split his face was not a pleasant one. He was back in action now, and soon they’d  _fear_  again,

Vanitas was a  _god_  and this time, they wouldn't forget.


	5. Chapter 5

He wonders, quietly, if all of creation had been a mistake. If maybe the silence and the madness it caused might not have been better overall. He’s heard it said that the mad do not know they are mad, so would he have been oblivious to it if he were?

~~_{Cheshire Cat’s as mad as they come, but he believes himself to be sane, so one day he decides he’s a god and a king and that he will rule them all.}_ ~~

It’s an…interesting prospect. A mad god, a universe devoid of anything but himself and his  _Heart_. There’s a joke in there somewhere, Vanitas is certain.

~~_{So he cut off the Queen’s head and he stole her heart and took the crown. And all of Wonderland rejoiced for their newfound King.}_ ~~

Maybe he should start over, wipe it all away. Destroy everything and start anew, start fresh. A clean slate sounds appealing, would give him something. Anything. He doesn’t know, honestly.

Vanitas just wants things to stop being broken.

_{“Stardust and galaxies and endless images of freedom!” he had said, but when Vanitas remembered Before, all he saw was silence and emptiness and nothing engulfed in loneliness and heartache. He couldn’t be happy with that, and maybe in the end that was why Kitten couldn’t be happy with him.}_

He wants Kitten back, and their relationship to be uncomplicated again; he wants worlds and people and voices and all of that, but he wants Kitten too and he can’t seem to have both. So he’ll wipe it all away to nothing and bring Kitten back to him and then start over.

This time, they’ll create  _together._

And only then will he sink into the madness


End file.
